The Safety Zone …
By Denis Butler

Nothing is more important in the automotive repair business then following safety protocols. We must be constantly aware of our surroundings. Vehicles must be carefully secured on lifts. Spills of any type must be addressed immediately to prevent slipping and possible injury. Proper ventilation to prevent carbon monoxide poisoning is also important. Many of the chemicals and petroleum products that we use can cause skin cancer or can be absorbed into the skin causing liver and kidney damage. Surgical gloves greatly reduce these hazards and provide one other desirable benefit…clean fingernails. There is nothing harder then having to get your hands squeaky clean for a social function or worse…that intimate moment with your spouse. "Didn't you wash those hands? You're going to touch me where with them? I don't think so!" While you scrub your hands to the point that they are so raw that you won't be able to use them, futility sets in as you realize that your hands are not only still dirty, but they are bleeding as well. It just won't happen unless you wear the gloves. Protective eyewear should be worn in any situation that involves spraying chemicals, grinding or cutting metal, sulfating batteries that have the potential to explode or any situation where debris may fall from the car and get into your eyes. Loose clothing is a no-no! There are too many moving parts on an automobile and the chance of getting an article of clothing caught in a fan belt or other moving components are great. Uniforms must be properly fitted to the technician and must be battery acid resistant. You can surely see that properly equipped, a technician can safely negotiate the repair shop and your automobile, however, dangers lurk everywhere and sometimes they come from the most unlikely places.

One November day, just after Thanksgiving, the temperatures turned unseasonably warm…clear skies and sixty-five degrees…this was definitely tee shirt weather. In my defense, before I continue with the story I must tell you that life has been good to me. Having reached middle age, my mid-section has expanded. On this fine November day, I was bending over to set an automobile on the lift to inspect the exhaust system. Apparently, my uniform does not fit me as well as it should. A woman pulled into the parking lot and caught a glimpse of my posterior at a prominent moment and smashed into two parked cars. One of them had a fuel leak and it was a wonder that the cars didn't explode. My ego wants to tell me that the beauty of my manly display spellbound her, but I know in truth that she was disgusted to the point of confusion. It was time to put into play a new piece of safety equipment…SUSPENDERS!

Sam Clemens, otherwise known to you literary critics as "Mark Twain", patented suspenders in 1871. They were a fine idea for the southern gentleman, but for a mechanic, they leave much to be desired. Suspenders are still better then the alternative, which is a belt. Belts are not really an option for me. I have no hips and my belly just keeps pushing everything down. In order for a belt to work, I would have to make it so tight that the circulation would be cut off from my legs. I'd have to release the belt every few minutes like a tourniquet before my legs went numb to keep from falling down.

It has been over a year since I started wearing suspenders and I can now truly understand why women burned bras in the seventies. It had nothing to do with equal rights…it had to do with getting rid of a very uncomfortable undergarment. There is nothing comfortable about wearing straps about your neck and shoulders to support areas of your anatomy that need to be supported. Straps cut, under wires cut, but I promise you that what a man who wears suspenders has to go through is much worse. Although designers have introduced more comfortable bras, nobody has come up with a more comfortable suspender. My wife likes me in the yellow ones with the boxer shorts {only if my hands are clean} but beyond that, suspenders stink. I'm forced to wear them. They ten to slip off my shoulders and if I adjust them tighter, my pantaloons tend to ride up on me. The buckles cut into my back when I sit down which includes road testing an automobile. This is in the warmer months. Once winter comes the problems escalate. I find myself constantly adjusting the straps and if I have to go to the bathroom in cold weather, I have to partially disrobe to take care of business because I wear my suspenders on the first layer of clothes. "Hey, stupid, why don't you wear your suspenders on the outside of your clothing?" you might ask. The extra layers of clothing put stress on the buckles of the suspenders because you have to make them tighter. Murphy's law states that the back buckles will not release first and I'm here to tell you that they don't. The front ones usually release one at a time and will hit you in the eye! If you have never been hit in the eye from a suspender strap that slipped off the pants, then you will never understand. A double release can be catastrophic! You won't be blinded and the pain subsides within a few minutes, but the impact on the eyeball creates spots in your vision that can last for hours. It's not right that I should have to wear eye protection just because I wear suspenders, but if my suspenders create a safe environment for our customers or save a life…it is my duty!

I have just removed my rubber gloves and my hands are impeccably clean. On that note I'll go home and put on my yellow suspenders…

— Denis Butler